I feel hideous

This all could be so much worse. I need to say that. I don't feel like binging. I feel like building muscle is a definite, achievable goal. I feel hopeful about my future and excited about Christmas, so I know that my life could be much worse. I just can't sleep. I guess my aunt's death has affected me much worse than I thought, but I hate how I feel. I dead. I feel teary. I feel depressed as hell. I feel really frustrated because I this insomnia is really hampering what I want to get done. I hate this.