God, I feel so alone. I cannot do Overeaters Anonymous anymore. It's a great program. The people in it are genuinely loving, caring and inspiring. I need the 12 steps, my brain on sugar is like that of an alcoholic who is drunk. I know that I have character defects and that I need help. It's just that I cannot take the constant waiting, hoping and floating aimlessly that I feel when I am working the program. The praying, turning my life over and hoping for a Bill W. moment of surrender is too hard. I cannot take the hopeless, hapless experience of waiting for God to make it all better.
I just want to live a life of less compulsive behaviour. I don't want to eat sugar and flour. I am happy to give up sweets forever. I just can't wait for God to do it for me. It hurts too much.
Having said, I binged on cereal twice this week. I do not know why anymore. I guess I was feeling guilty because I did not go to my sister's for a baking marathon.
I am going to focus on veganism, yoga, clean eating, weight lifting and running. I have about 25 pounds to lose. Moreover, I want to get muscular and strong. I want to feel strong and flexible.
I will not ignore my spiritual side. I will pretend that there is no God, or that I am God. (I have done this, it's as crazy as it sounds.)
I just want to stop binging.
How?
I'm not sure what's going to work for you, but I hope you find it... and that you won't pretend there's no God or that you are God, but believe that there's a God --- our shortcomings do not cancel out his existence. That's what I believe but you don't have to. Just sharing my thoughts. :-)
ReplyDeleteSo you want to stop binging ? I'm with you right there !! It's a constant fight, harder on some days than others but with perseverance, you will come out on top. Live life and don't let binging take over !
~kisses