Friday, February 18, 2011

Weighed In Again Today

So I went in and weighed in again today. Half pound gain. It's a miracle that it wasn't more. Last night was a nightmare. I was about to settle into an actual pleasant sleep when my kid decided to talk to me, over and over and over again. "Uppies?" (Where can you go? You are snuggled in my arms. Isn't that good enough?) "Daddy?" (Daddy is in another room, does not want to walk in here and talk to you.) "Uppies?" AAAAGH!

I would up binging on cereal and sandwiches out of stress. I am really stressed right now. It's embarrassing, but I am scared of getting something wrong at my sister's birthday party. Ever since I was criticized to death after my younger sister's wedding for behaviour that did not seem to be that awful, I feel hyper-conscious, and scared before a family gathering. Will I get it right this time? Will trip an invisible trip wire and pull over an avalanche of criticism? Will I seem selfish? Will I seem rude? How can I avoid being targeted and criticized? My stomach is in knots over my family's opinion of me.

Sometimes I hate them. Just shut up, get over it, and carry on with your life instead of focusing on mine. How 'bout it?

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