Scared

I am scared of tomorrow's weigh in. I ate one-third of a cup of Reese's Pieces. Will that screw me up? I know that I worked hard this week, but I will still feel like a failure if I don't see a loss. I feel so fat still. I tried on a smaller shirt and just felt horrible in it. I still feel fat and blobby and I don't see an end to it. It's hard to wait. It's hard to work hard and wait. I want the old Joanna back. I want to wear my pre preggo pants and feel like a regular person again instead of an overweight mom. I kind of want this to be over.

I feel a little scared of my husband being furious over the amount of money I have spent lately. I feel afraid of having to extend our line of credit for my irresponsiblity. I can't help it sometimes, I just need to feel pretty, to feel alive and to feel like a beautiful mama instead of a dumpy old lady.