Sometimes my heart strains with fear for my son. My gorgeous little boy. What if something happened to him? I thinks of horrors too unspeakable to mention that have happened to other people's children. Do other parents think about this? How do I keep these thoughts out of my head? Will this fear keep me from being a good parent to Richard? Will I be able to be strong, organized, fair, capable when he grows up?
God, I miss exercising so much. Tomorrow I will post my measurements and goals.
I know that it is progress that I was able to talk myself out of a binge an hour ago. It was hard, but I asked myself what I wanted food to give me. I wanted food to give me a release from the tension in my body, from the ruthless, merciless chatter in my head that tells me that I am dirty, bad, wrong, disgusting and unworthy.
I don't know when or how I will ever stop that voice.
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