Well, I feel a bit better. I weighed in, a gain of 2.6 pounds. I think that I lost weight too fast. I was not ready to be that low. I think that it scared me. I have conflicted feelings about losing weight. My older sister is totally unbelievable. She is incredibly accomplished and I feel inferior around her. I want to lose weight and be thin to "beat " her at something. I want to be a personal trainer so I can have an accomplishment to brag about.
My younger sister is plump. I feel sad around her when I am thin because I feel guilty. I feel guilty for losing weight. I felt guilty about losing weight around my mom too. I did not want to leave her behind.
I want to impress my father by being muscular. I want to be beautiful and thin.
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