I was just watching a documentary about obesity and one woman discussed her sad history of being sexually abused. It made me angry. I wasn't sexually abused, but my mother was. I am angry about times when this topic came up and she would tell US, her children - that she was sexually abused. I feel angry that if I was abused, she would have still made it all about her. I was very sad, withdrawn and unhappy as a teen. Since it was all about her though, she never asked why. If I was traumatized, she just would have discussed her own feelings. If I had brought up how I felt, - SLAP. Dad would have punched me for bringing up my own needs around Mom. It was always about her. Her feelings, her self-esteem, her childhood. I feel angry at how I could not have needs around her or my father.
Yesterday I had some dental work done and I came home in alot of pain. If I had been a teenager, this would have been a crisis. I would have asked for some Tylenol, and since my mom hoarded it, I would have gotten into trouble. If I persisted, my father would have gotten furious at me because I was disturbing Mom and her denial. He and mom would have sighed dramatically and then angrily given me the pills and then would have told me that I did not deserve them and that I was selfish.
It was a horrible house to grow up in. The denial of our basic needs and the abuse was constant and disgusting.
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