Here I Sit

Here I sit. Happy that I have finally washed the kitchen floor and that the house looks decent. I have had a decent burst of energy in the past few days so I have gotten some important stuff done.

I was reading a book about depression yesterday and I was surprised to read that I have chronic depression. I really did not think that it was that bad. I thought that I had depression, but not that I was "chronically depressed". I also found out that food affects mood. I knew that tons of sugar affect mood of course, I also knew that alcohol is a depressant. However, I did not know about vitamin deficiencies and how they can contribute to depression. Hmmm.

I feel worried about my son. It's silly, but today as I was walking him out of playschool, one of the teachers smiled broadly at a child walking past who also attended the playschool. I thought "Hey, what about MY kid?" She did not smile at him. Why? Is he difficult? That breaks my heart. Is there something wrong? Is he going to be a brat who cannot cope with school?

I know that that is quite an overreaction to a teacher who perhaps did not see my son. Still, I worry.

Every day seems to further confirm that I should not have another child. My disorganization, my depression, my fears, it all adds up NO WAY.

Am I kidding myself about becoming a personal trainer? I love exercise and I love the idea of living the fitness lifestyle, being healthy and helping others be healthy, but am I fooling myself?