Worried

Had a really positive day. Exercised like crazy, felt good, stuck to healthy eating plan, then - aagh.

I made my son some peanut butter pudding. It's peanut butter, (sugar free) yogurt, (non-fat, plain) mixed with a packet of 'sugar free' chocolate mousse powder. I ate about 1/2 cup. Yet I knew that the ingredients included glucose, sugar. I am scared now that I will have a monster craving later. I probably will be at the mall, I am scared that I will get the 'tunnel vision' and just say "What the hell".

Here is a deconstruction of my pre-binge thoughts:

"I can always start tomorrow".

True, but it feels horrible to wake up from yet another binge and have to start over.

"I am not so fat that I look horrible"

You don't feel good at this weight. It is not a healthy weight. You are too young to become a frumpy mom.

"Poor me! Poor me! Everyone else is eating this!"

How will they feel later? Some will feel fine, some may not. However, if you eat it, you will have to deal with the consequences.

I want it NOW. I want to feel good NOW. Poor me, I deserve this."

How will you feel tomorrow? How will you feel tonight?

How do you feel having to write out weight loss goals again?

155 pounds by December 25.

I want to button up my blue cordoroys with ease.