I guess reading other people's blogs inspired me. Today I actually am staying inside and cleaning. Usually my mental health is too precarious for me to do that, I HAVE to go outside. Still, today I just felt like staying inside and doing stuff.
I feel sad. Just depressed. What else is new right? I obsess daily over what happened to my family. I grew up in an alcoholic family and every night for fifteen years I had to lie, walk on eggshells and pretend that my mother was not completely drunk. It was horrifying. I have never gotten over it. Never. I read alot of ACOA literature in my late teens and began 'detaching' from my family. As I grew older I spent less time with them than my sisters. I did not see my parents when my mother was deteriorating. My family has never forgiven me for this. I don't think that they ever will. I feel so angry that my surviving was seen as selfish.
Why am I writing about this again?
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